Written on June 12, 2009 at 5:08 pm, by Eric Cressey
Today, we’ve got the first ever Cressey Performance Intern Hazing Poll. Here’s how it works….
Posted below are three videos of our interns getting dominated by a delightful assortment of torturous exercises. We really didn’t expect them to look good doing this, but hey, that’s the whole point, right? Anyway, you, the readers of EricCressey.com get to rank the interns from 1 to 3 (1=first place, 2=second place, 3=third place) based on the following criteria:
1. Artistic Mastery
2. Fashion (nice shoes, Roger)
3. Proximity to Vomiting
4. Time to Completion
5. Number of breaks in action
6. Inferiority to Mike Roncarati, the most diesel CP intern of all time, who could eat these kiddies for breakfast (way to be, Mike!)
7. Inspiration (someone out there was having a bad day until they watched these videos and realized that things could have been a lot worse).
Voting will be closed Monday night, June 15th at midnight. The winner really won’t receive anything, but futility is really the name of the game anyway. Oh, feel free to suggest some torture for next Thursday for these guys.
Without further ado, the candidates:
Candidate #1: Phil “The Thrill” Gauthier
EC Commentary: He plays the grunting card nicely. Good speed…compared with a 12-year-old girl’s performance on this medley. Push-up technique was probably the best of the bunch, although I don’t think it’s going to get him any Cirque Du Soleil tryouts.
Candidate #2: Alex Nash “and Burn”
EC Commentary: Admittedly, I was stretching out one of our pitchers while he was doing this, so I’m shooting from the hip on his on-camera presence rather than relying on my experience on Thursday. Eyewitnesses reported that he demonstrated the worst push-ups in CP history. I would have liked to see a jog back to the sled after finishing the overhead keg lunges, too. I will give him some credit for not losing his breakfast, as the omelet and oatmeal was flying after pushing the sled last week.
Candidate #3: Roger “Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun” Lawson
(Note: Roger took so long that the first camera’s battery died, and we had to rush to grab a second digital camera in the office. There was a good two minutes of grunting, sweating, and weird spasm-like movement during this brief hiatus)
EC Commentary: Roger certainly took the grunting to a whole new level; in fact, was he crying at one point? I think I actually heard him blurt out, “My mother didn’t love me, and I never learned to read!” I can’t be sure, though. I’ll give him some style points for managing to get caught in the batting cage net like a tuna; that was graceful. He also earned some drama points for the repeated collapses on the keg lunges, not to mention an artistic mastery bonus with the swift sniper roll during the sled-to-keg transition.
So what do you think, world? Cast your votes as replies to this blog, ranking these guys from 1 to 3 (1 being the best). And, don’t forget to suggest some torture for Installment 3.
I just watched with my 8 year old daughter. During the viewing she said with great concern, “They look like they’re in so much pain. Oh no, is he going to puke? Why is Pete just sitting there?”
After much deliberation we give them all a 1. What do you expect? I’m a teacher and a mom. And I must train with these three all summer; I’m not stupid.
I would like to compliment Anna on her encouraging remarks and Toledano was the best cheerleader dude ever.
Suggestions? Let Danny Badass Verna create a death circuit for them. Puking guaranteed.
Nice vids!
Here’s a suggestion for the next torture game:
(Assuming you have 3 interns, but adjustable for a different number).
Setup 3 stations in a triangle, with 1 intern starting at each station. At each station you do a certain exercise for a certain amount of reps, for example 15 pushups or 30 kb swings, etc.
After completing the exercise you run/bearcrawl/lunge or whatever to the next station and do the that stations exercise. You continue this process until you ‘tag’ the intern ahead of you. Once an intern has been tagged he has lost and is out of the game, the remaining two interns continue until one has won.
As you can imagine this can go on for a very long time (evil laugh…).
A consideration is to make sure the exercise/reps at each station take approximately the same amount of time.
Oh my… that was brutal to watch! Anna and I could have probably killed them doing the same thing. I say we do a guys vs. girls next time and see what happens (I predict female dominance). Women can handle pain much more than those boys. My grandmother could have pulled the sled faster.
My vote is for Roger: a 1 for those shoes is definitely warranted… and a pathetic display. Wow.
Some great suggestions here, but nothing is as hard as farmer walks and sled pushes or drags. Those two are especially nasty!
I used to perform tire flipping once a week with or 4 or 500 lbs tire. My buddy and I would set a minimum distance of one football field. It was a lesson in pain!
I still don’t think it was as hard as a farmer’s walk.
Cool video, I am curious, how far did you have to pull the sled and do the Farmers walk? Was there 3 plates on the sled and was there anything in the keg?
Last guy was tough to watch. I’d like to see him do it again in a month and see how he does if he trains.
I didn’t realize that CP now has a comedy channel! Very entertaining. I would rank them – Phil, Alex and Roger. Maybe add some suitcase deadlifts, or some equally tortuous exercise, in between each routine. I did enjoy the “puke” barrel making a cameo.
Roger gets my vote. He struggled the most but didn’t quit and doesn’t that count around CP?? Lets hope they actually learn something this summer and aren’t there just for HS hazing.
I probably shouldn’t be speaking considering I most likely would not have finished that circuit in this lifetime, but with that said I have to give Phil the overall prize for best performance, then Roger for the entertainment, then Alex for just getting it done.
Next time I’m thinking you have them push the sled down, grab the farmers walks at the CP crash wall, bring it to the garage then have them to a Med Ball Circuit, followed by 8 Bulgarian Split Squats with 20Lbs dumbells, and then to finish it off make them do 8 burpees.
Probably will take about 25 Mins but will be well worth the wait.
-Shuman
P.S. whose the dude with the horrendous Farmers tan in Phils video at the 2:20 mark….
Since they are interns and learning the ‘business’…instead of further torturing them, what if they find a ‘team’ of folks to compete against one another – see how well they can initially ‘train’ their team to compete in the same competition….
June 12th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
I just watched with my 8 year old daughter. During the viewing she said with great concern, “They look like they’re in so much pain. Oh no, is he going to puke? Why is Pete just sitting there?”
After much deliberation we give them all a 1. What do you expect? I’m a teacher and a mom. And I must train with these three all summer; I’m not stupid.
I would like to compliment Anna on her encouraging remarks and Toledano was the best cheerleader dude ever.
Suggestions? Let Danny Badass Verna create a death circuit for them. Puking guaranteed.
June 12th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
If you’re looking to punish those damn rooks, I’d chuck in a tabata session- nothing makes me hate life more than tabata thrusters.
June 12th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Nice vids!
Here’s a suggestion for the next torture game:
(Assuming you have 3 interns, but adjustable for a different number).
Setup 3 stations in a triangle, with 1 intern starting at each station. At each station you do a certain exercise for a certain amount of reps, for example 15 pushups or 30 kb swings, etc.
After completing the exercise you run/bearcrawl/lunge or whatever to the next station and do the that stations exercise. You continue this process until you ‘tag’ the intern ahead of you. Once an intern has been tagged he has lost and is out of the game, the remaining two interns continue until one has won.
As you can imagine this can go on for a very long time (evil laugh…).
A consideration is to make sure the exercise/reps at each station take approximately the same amount of time.
June 12th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
I ‘heart’ Roger. Drama Queens make for good entertainment.
June 12th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Well, Roger gets a 1 for the sheer bravery of wearing those slippers in public…
I would think some nice DB complexes would be an educational experience — perhaps RDLs to high pull to front squat to shoulder press…
June 12th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
My vote goes to Anna for the ‘keep that close, I am not getting barfed on’ comment.
June 13th, 2009 at 1:22 am
Dumbbell iron crosses and renegade rows are brutal in a circuit, but for you’re interns they’re perfect.
My money’s on Roger improving the most from the 3.
June 13th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Is Roger wearing ballet slippers?
How about some med ball dodgeball?
June 13th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Create a curquit that involves a lot of burpees.
June 13th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Oh my… that was brutal to watch! Anna and I could have probably killed them doing the same thing. I say we do a guys vs. girls next time and see what happens (I predict female dominance). Women can handle pain much more than those boys. My grandmother could have pulled the sled faster.
My vote is for Roger: a 1 for those shoes is definitely warranted… and a pathetic display. Wow.
June 13th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Some great suggestions here, but nothing is as hard as farmer walks and sled pushes or drags. Those two are especially nasty!
I used to perform tire flipping once a week with or 4 or 500 lbs tire. My buddy and I would set a minimum distance of one football field. It was a lesson in pain!
I still don’t think it was as hard as a farmer’s walk.
June 13th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Niel… I agree with you because, frankly, I’m not sure Roger can get any worse 🙂
Nice slippers Rog. You get a 1 for entertainment purposes, but a 3 for quality. I guess overall that gives you a 2.
Phil gets a 1 and Alex a tie for 2nd with Roger from me.
June 13th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
What is Roger wearing on his feet?? Ninja shoes?? Where is his utility belt?
Looks like fun..can’t wait to try it myself next weekend.
My vote is for Phil
June 13th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
oops…ranked 1 Phil 2 Alex 3 Roger
add in suitcase deadlifts or shovel lifts…good fun
June 13th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Rip Bis and Tris
June 14th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Cool video, I am curious, how far did you have to pull the sled and do the Farmers walk? Was there 3 plates on the sled and was there anything in the keg?
Last guy was tough to watch. I’d like to see him do it again in a month and see how he does if he trains.
June 14th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I didn’t realize that CP now has a comedy channel! Very entertaining. I would rank them – Phil, Alex and Roger. Maybe add some suitcase deadlifts, or some equally tortuous exercise, in between each routine. I did enjoy the “puke” barrel making a cameo.
June 14th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I agree with the earlier comment- throw in a Tabata on a rowing machine and get out the puke bags. There’s not much worse.
June 15th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Roger gets my vote. He struggled the most but didn’t quit and doesn’t that count around CP?? Lets hope they actually learn something this summer and aren’t there just for HS hazing.
June 15th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I probably shouldn’t be speaking considering I most likely would not have finished that circuit in this lifetime, but with that said I have to give Phil the overall prize for best performance, then Roger for the entertainment, then Alex for just getting it done.
Next time I’m thinking you have them push the sled down, grab the farmers walks at the CP crash wall, bring it to the garage then have them to a Med Ball Circuit, followed by 8 Bulgarian Split Squats with 20Lbs dumbells, and then to finish it off make them do 8 burpees.
Probably will take about 25 Mins but will be well worth the wait.
-Shuman
P.S. whose the dude with the horrendous Farmers tan in Phils video at the 2:20 mark….
June 15th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Personally, I think that this Thursday should be a deload week and we just play a invigorating game of musical chairs.
Loser has to buy everyone steak.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Roger and his vibrams get a 1 from me.
What about the neutral grip bars on the benches? Are they kinder to the shoulders?
June 16th, 2009 at 7:15 am
Is Roger wearing ballet flats??
June 17th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Since they are interns and learning the ‘business’…instead of further torturing them, what if they find a ‘team’ of folks to compete against one another – see how well they can initially ‘train’ their team to compete in the same competition….