By popular demand, some of the clients at CP who appreciate my cynical side requested that I pull together a list of things that annoy me.  I turned to our intern, Chris, and asked him to pick a number between 1 and 20, and he chose 13.  So, in lieu of Random Friday Thoughts, here are 13 things that drive me nuts…

1. It recently occurred to me that my Random Friday Thoughts are no longer very random – and not just because I do them every Friday.  Truth be told, I am the Random Pioneer, and countless individuals have attempted to randomly follow in my random footsteps with their own random attempts at random brilliance in random blogs.  I have a random message for these random copycats: you might as well give it up, as my randomness cannot be matched, so you might as well throw in your towel (and no, Steph, we aren’t getting towels for you at CP).

I believe this cat reflects my random sentiments quite nicely:

2.  I can’t believe Joe Dirt didn’t win an Oscar.

3. It’s a written rule at CP that when you have one week remaining on your current program, it’s your responsibility to notify a CP staff member that you’ll need a new program printed out and ready to go within a week.  It’s an unwritten rule (as one 17-year-old athlete found out this week) that those who forget to tell us that they need a new program – and then show up to lift on the day the new program would have started – are rewarded with the following program for the day:

A1) Barbell Bulgarian Split Squats: 8×8/side
A2) Neutral Grip Pull-ups: 8×6

I don’t think we’ll be having this problem much more…

4. I always love it when a fitness professional sets up a new program or opens his/her own facility and writes his own press release.  It usually comes out something like:

“World-Renowned Fitness Expert Announces Plans to Revolutionize the Fitness Industry

“In a move that has been called revolutionary, forward-thinking, bold, and daring, Ben Dover, CPT, QRS, ASAP, AEIOU is now personal training adults ages 18-65 in his mother’s basement to help them loose [note from EC: this is intentionally spelled wrong, because people always spell lose incorrectly] weight.  Dover graduated with honors from Moldy Gordita Community College in Burnt Scrotum, New Mexico.

“Says Dover, ‘My Moldy Gordita and Burnt Scrotum experiences have made my outlook on fitness very unique.*   Unlike other personal trainers, I encourage clients to eat right and exercise.’

*Note from EC: yes, I know you can’t be very one-of-a-kind, but Ben doesn’t.

“Dover has limited availability, but is now accepting new clients for 22 available hour-long time slots between the hours of 1AM and 11PM.”

I see this at least once a week – seriously.  As I think about it more, though, it’s pretty amusing.

5. I need to see another story on TV about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie like I need to gouge out my eyes with a hot poker.

6. Sometimes, a video says it all.

(for the record, it isn’t Tony that drives me nuts; it’s the universal acceptance of the stability ball as training implement for everybody)

7. If you Google “medial deltoid,” you get 7,710 results.  You know what?  There is no such thing as a medial deltoid!  It’s the middle deltoid – and yes, it is a pretty big difference anatomically (the medial deltoid would technically be the anterior deltoid, if you really think about it).  You don’t get Google search results for rhombazoids or upper trapezoids – and medial deltoid isn’t much better.

8. In my article series on running programs for pitchers, I alluded to how I dislike it when pitchers run to get fit.  Rather, I feel that they need to get fit to run.  Truth be told, this doesn’t just apply to pitchers; it applies to everyone, endurance athletes included.  Taking up running to lose weight is a recipe for disaster for a lot of people.  These people may include: dentists, professional wrestlers, eskimos, Starbucks employees, politicians, elves, laywers, and even superheroes.  Yes, the only thing worse for Superman than kryptonite is distance-running-induced plantar fasciitis.

If you’re a marathoner or triathlete, have at it – but be sure you’re prepared to start it in the first place.

9. Can somebody tell me why we’re just arresting this guy now?  He should have been incarcerated for that hairstyle the seconds the 1980s were over!

10. The only thing worse than a close-talker is a close-coacher.  This may include standing on top of an athlete, or shouting as many cues as possible during a set.  Step off, dude.

11. Inside-Out doesn’t get much love, but it is the single-best upper extremity injury prevention product out there.  If you have shoulder or elbow issues, you should have bought this over a year ago!

Give Bill and Mike (and your rotator cuffs) some love.

12.  I really could use about 28 hours in the day.  I’d even settle for 27 – but 24 just doesn’t seem to be cutting it.

13. It drives me nuts that I really couldn’t come up with #13, but then I realized that I could just go back to my mainstay.  Good Lord, this is atrocious.  I don’t even know where to begin…