As many of you know, I’m getting married on Sunday – which, of course, means that I had to be fitted for a tuxedo.  I’m about to head out to try it on one final time, and if it’s all good, bring it home with me.  And, I can assure you that it will still feel as stupidly big as it did the first time I tried on a jacket at the store.  What am I getting at?

Suits and tuxedos are not made for people who actually have muscle.

If you go with the smaller of two sizes, you need three groomsmen to help you get your arms and upper back into it – and you can plan on not being able to reach anything above nipple level while wearing it.

If you go with the larger of two sizes (which I did), you wind up swimming in it.  I’m 5-9, 195 pounds – and will be wearing a jacket that was probably made with somebody who was 6-0, 220 with 40% body fat in mind.  I’m the opposite of Chris Farley’s “Fat Guy in a Little Coat.”

In fact, after my fitting, my fiancee told me that I was not allowed to lose any weight before the wedding.  So, while she was crushing it in the gym and watching what she ate to prepare for her wedding dress, I simply continued to lift heavy stuff and eat normally.  The truth is, though, that I could have gone with 10,000 calories a day and just sat on the couch – and the jacket still would fit just fine.

This could just be a rant that ends here, but instead, I’ll make you think a little bit.  Every suit I have had to buy in the last decade has been a big and tall version – where I had to have the pants taken up by a tailor.

If we are concerned about the obesity epidemic, why do we only make suits and tuxedos for fat dudes?

If we know the body mass index (BMI) is a foolish way for doctor’s and insurance companies to determine healthy weight, why do we only make suits for guys who are 6-5, 165 pounds?

And, do you think Tony and Pete will look as good in these suits as the guys in Dumb and Dumber?

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