Cry Me a River

Written on October 9, 2007 at 12:09 pm, by Eric Cressey

Each week, a small army of high school athletes come to train at Cressey Performance. When you see athletes from several different towns on a daily basis, you start to notice many patterns. Some kids put their bags in one place every time. Others foam roll on a certain part of the turf. Some get covered in chalk, and others just sprinkle it on. A few wear their hats sideways.

These are just personal habits, though. They don’t necessarily comment on significant trends – something I’ve seen a lot of lately. And, they’re getting pretty disturbing. I’m not just talking about childhood obesity, teenage pregnancy, spending too much time in front of the TV, or anything like that. This trend is much worse.

You see, at some point, mankind de-evolved – or just “wussified” – and started perceiving Justin Timberlake as acceptable training music. I’m not kidding, folks. I get all excited when I hear Godsmack, Disturbed, Jay-Z, and Linkin Park on a new CD one of our guys burned. Then, just as one of our young studs gets himself under the giant cambered bar to dominate a heavy triple on box squats, his testosterone level magically drops to “Cry me a rivvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeerrrrrr…..”

Me: “Get the staple remover out of the office, Tony. He’s stuck on the box and not coming up.”

Tony: “I think we’re going to need a spatula for this one…”

Honestly, people. Is it the soy in school lunches? The banning of dodgeball in gym classes? How did our young athletes come to think that the music you would play to seduce someone of the opposite sex (or, in my case, the music that would drive me to write a suicide note) could possibly be the same music that facilitates lifting heavy stuff?

Justin Timberlake is weak. Too weak to bench 135. Too weak to pick up his shoes to put them on in the morning. And, definitely too weak to motivate someone who is already actually relatively strong.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for bringing sexy back. If you want to listen to JT, be my guest. Please just do so in a soundproof room in your secluded home when nobody is around. And please, turn the volume down and don’t attempt to lift anything heavy for the duration of the CD.

Eric Cressey