I lost 112-80 in fantasy football this week to this guy.

No, I’m not joking. Doesn’t it boggle the mind that he can even turn on and operate a computer to manage a fantasy football team?

The truth is, I let Pete win because Monday was his birthday (he turned 12). Actually, it was Derek Anderson and Jamal Lewis – also known as the captains of the Cleveland Browns JV team – who let him win on Sunday night when they combined for a whopping nine points for me.

That’s ten points less than my backup kicker (Ryan Longwell) scored with a five field goal performance as he was resting on my bench – but still an impressive nine points more than my tight end (Anthony Fasano) managed with his goose egg. I was hoping that the statisticians would at least throw Fasano a sympathy points for a good block or signing a few autographs on the way out of the stadium. No such luck, though.

So, happy birthday and congratulations, Pete. Bring on the Magic Man for week 3; Kurt Warner’s going to lead me to the promised land.

EDIT: The only thing that got beaten worse this week than my fantasy football team was my retirement account. Ouch.