The Campaign of Fear

About the Author: Eric Cressey

Does Mike Huckabee have Chuck Norris in mind for his vice-presidential candidate?

This might be the single-most intelligent political strategic move in history: scare the voters into supporting you! Let’s look at a few comparisons between the GOP candidate and his potential roundhouse-kick-dealing running mate:

Mike Huckabee has voted to cut taxes 94 times in his political career. When tax season rolls around for Chuck Norris, though, he mails in blank tax sheets and a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes.

Huckabee is a Baptist minister. Norris, on the other hand, was actually the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of ‘beard.’ Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly thereafter, all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Huckabee is pro-life. What many people don’t know is that Chuck Norris is, in fact, the founder of Planned Parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

Huckabee has played the guitar in numerous public appearances. Chuck Norris’ first public performance ended in disaster, though. His first appearance on “Dancing with the Stars” never aired because it opened with an eloquent roundhouse kick to the face of his partner.